How to let go

Gina501 · Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 11:28 am Post subject: How to let go

I have a question. How do you let go??

I think between Riccardo and myself we have exhausted every avenue to finding out more information on my great grandfather. We got farther than I ever anticipated. We were able to find his military records, when he was born, where he was born down to the exact address of the house he was born in, the midwife's name who delieverd him and even his record of entry into the foundling home. That is amazing considering no one in the family knew anything about him until a few months ago. I have even found his gravesite and the headstone is set to go on it next month.

However, with no mention of parents names, there is no more searching to be done. I have posted here and on the IG site if anyone had anything else they can possibly think of, I would be grateful, but everyone is out of ideas. This is truly the "brick wall" all genealogists fear.

My question is again, how do I let go? I know I need to be realistic and practical. And if I put this away I can concetrate on all the other relatives that are waiting for me. I just seem to find it hard to get closure. It must seem as if I am making more of this than I should and I know I"m being silly. Has anyone else had this problem or felt this way???

MauroMags · Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 12:31 pm Post subject: Re: How to let go

Hey Gina,

Was this GGrandfather ever in America? (sorry i am not familar with his case). The reason i ask is because my own Ggrandfather was a foundling in Italy but then came to the US. I found some very interesting information in his marriage (church) record and his death certificate, two events that happened state-side.

Under the name listed for mother, there was actually one name written down, then crossed out, with another name written on top of it. what's crazy is that both names would make sense within the particulars of my family history

m

Cathy · V.I.P. Joined: Jul 10, 2007 Posts: 2681

Does the orphanage still exist? Perhaps they had records? Just a thought.
I remember a story Jim Bianco told (his input here would have been valuable - where is he?) about the devices women would put the baby in to keep their identity secret. So this may be a permanent brick wall. On the other hand, someone may have known the secret. How do you keep a pregnant girl a secret in a small town? Perhaps the family that took him in were relatives? Do you have the town records?

Gina501 · Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 12:49 pm Post subject: Re: How to let go

Hi Mauro. All his state-side records list his parents as unknown. He always said he had no idea who his mother was.

Hi Cathy. I read about the devises the babies were left in. However there are clear reacords that the midwife, Amalia Brambilla, took the child to be registered and that's where he was given his name. Then there are clear records from the foundling home that he was brought by midwife, Amalia Brambilla to the home. I actually have the record (thanks to Riccardo) and there are no names written anywhere about his birth parents.

Now, my cousin and I have a feeling that his adoptive parents are related somehow. Antonio and Louise were in the same town at the time they adopted him. They were both already widows and on their second marriage at 40 and 30 years old. They already had children from this second marriage together so why did they take in my great grandfather? I do believe he is related somehow. But I have no way of proving this theory. Cathy, what do you mean by town records???

Eleven · Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 9:47 pm Post subject: Re: How to let go

Gina..believe it or not..I hit the same brick wall about 8 years ago, after7 years of research. To make matters worse..its this exact branch of the family, that made me decide to do my family history. I was told, this branch decended from "greek royalty" (lmao)

I think I took the task on..to prove that rumor, wrong..and indeed I did..and only had to go back 4 generations to do it. This took me 7 years..since when I wrote to the town early on, I was getting no replies..and the FHL had no records at that time.

The branch that was thought to by royal..led me to my great grandfather..a foundling, who was "given" this so called royal name.

When I finally got the mans birth record from the provincial archives, it had "parents unknown". There was a notation at the bottom..which I was sure had to be important.

My Italian is limited..and I sure wasnt going to use any translator program for this.

I had belonged to an online group, like this one. There was a woman there..that seemed to be very knowledgeable. I emailed her and asked her to help me.

In 8 long emails..she not only translated every word of the document..but was familiar with the area..and went so far as to get me the names of churches and to find that there was still an orphanage there (but didnt know if it was there in the mid 1800s.) She went on and explained to me about the wheel and about why women gave babies up, back then..and not all of them were born to unwed mothers. She also told me a lot of other things about the area.

Because of the language barrier..I let it go. I was having a difficult enough time, with translating documents..and corresponding in a language that I cant express myself without help or form letters..and then need someone to translate any reply that isnt more than a few words.

Basically, I found what I was after. No greeks. No royalty...but, boy was I disappointed not to be able to go further.

I also have a foundling on my fathers side of the family. That didnt upset me nearly as much as this other one.

I think, if I was able to communicate better..I might have actually tried churches and the orphanage. I didnt..because I felt that I really couldnt.

Poipu04 · Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 11:17 am Post subject: Re: How to let go

This is a bit extreme but, if all parties are willing, can you prove your theory by DNA? Swab a descendant of Carmeloni and then a descendant of his adoptive parents and see if they were related?

Cathy · V.I.P. Joined: Jul 10, 2007 Posts: 2681

Gina, you have come this far. I would not let go until I have exhausted every option I had. You have 2 choices right now. Let go and forget it or get serious and start ordering microfilms of Carmeloni's town. Start by examining this adopted family and expand from there. Keep track of all the witnesses - you will begin to see a pattern of relationships. Then look at the witnesses families. You may find something but it will take many hours of your time.
Poipu's idea is extreme but brilliant. You can let go or get real serious. All roads may lead to a dead end - you need to be prepared for that.
Just my opinion...

Gina501 · Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:07 pm Post subject: Re: How to let go

Lori, that never even crossed my mind. I have already have my father's DNA and he is the only living male from Carmeloni. I would need to find a male from the Della Valle's. I don't know who they are but I will try my hardest.

Cathy, you are right. I can get serious and start looking at films. Truth is (and I'm embarrassed to admit this) but I dont' know enough about that or what to do to start. I wouldn't know what to look for. The Della Valle's are not from Pavia so I don't understand how to make the connection. Maybe you and I can skype about this and you can give me some advise?

Gina501 · Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 6:46 pm Post subject: Re: How to let go

OMG ya'll!!! I just had a thought! A while ago, maybe May, I told you all about George Della Valle, who is the grandson of Antonio Della Valle (Carmeloni's adopted father). He is still alive at 89 and I talked to his wife Betty after tracking them down. Well I have been in touch with Betty ever since. She is a lovely lady. George is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's so it's Betty that I talk to. She hasn't been much help up till now, since the Della Valle's are her in-laws. But this may be the answer.

So my question now is....how do I go about asking her if I can swab George??? I'm quite nervous about this. She's 86 and might not be too excited to do it.

Poipu04 · Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 6:58 pm Post subject: Re: How to let go

Gina, read this

www.nytimes.com/2007/0...02dna.html

You will laugh about the part where the lady lies in wait for a used coffee cup from a long lost relative at the local McD's!

Eleven · Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 10:10 pm Post subject: Re: How to let go

Great article. I chuckled a few times.

Gina501 · Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 10:30 am Post subject: Re: How to let go

Too funny.....
George is like 89. I don't want to shock him too much. I might need that McDonald's coffee cup myself.

BillieDeKid · V.I.P. Joined: Oct 26, 2007 Posts: 1221 Location: Illinois

Gina - get over to the IG site. I'm on CST and it's 7pm on Sat. Oct. 27. There is someone looking for information on his family - BRAMBILLA!!!!!! His Brambilla's are from Lombardy also (Cremona). Maybe he/she will have information on Amalia. This might be the break you've been looking for.

GOOD LUCK!
Elizabeth

Cathy · V.I.P. Joined: Jul 10, 2007 Posts: 2681

Great find Elizabeth! I emailed Gina your post- hopefully she will see it.

nuccia · Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2007 9:14 pm Post subject: Re: How to let go

Oh..I think I'll go have a look, too. I talked to Gina this morning..hope she sees this post...